A parent-child relationship is sometimes fragile in nature, fraught at times yet a fulfilling experience. The attachment is immeasurable with continuous love.
As children grow with time, the dynamics of the parent-child relationship change. The way a parent responds to their 3 years old, would be drastically different from the way they respond or act with an 8 or 18 years old.
Also, if you are pretty proud of the way your child was disciplined at 2 and now positively wild at 4, then you might prefer to celebrate the change and choose a new way of dealing rather than trying to fit them in your zone!
Universally, a parent-child relationship is reciprocal in nature, give and take to be precise. Children grow according to the cues they receive from their primary caregivers and vice versa. These cues are the subtle movements, ripples, actions, and reactions that happen around them in everyday activities which contribute to shaping their idea of life. There is a classic change that happens as children grow and parents evolve.
So, one single hardcore parenting formula wouldn’t help, no one strategy could be perfect, and no specific approach would be hundred percent workable. It varies from child to child, parent to parent.
Hence, a permanent parenting style isn’t a good idea! Children might evolve from red shoes to neons, black hair to colored hair, or puzzles to gaming.
The nature of a parent-child relationship progresses with time.
The milk-nappies-sleepless night’s phase-
The first initial years are about physical support, fixing up a routine for a lifetime, and identifying and fulfilling basic needs.
The role model, to be a perfect phase-
In the next few years, the bond flourishes into a lot of emotional and behavioral support, trying to fix the matrix, to find the pieces of the ever-changing puzzle.
The my life-my rules phase-
Then as children achieve independence in thoughts and actions, there is a brave entry of views, opinions, discussions, and negotiations.
The painful saga of secrets may begin, frequent communication may take a back seat, and they embark on their journey trying to balance individualism and familism.
This all is a lot of work for both, parent and child. Meanwhile, the bond may get stronger or weakened by the nature of reciprocation, and the kind of behavior.
1. It gets stronger with active communication OR weakened with awkward silences.
Tip to take: Encourage communicating every day for a few minutes. Silly talks or serious stuff.
2. It gets stronger by creating opportunities of interest OR weakened by long gaps in exchanging life happenings
Tip to take: Explore one common activity of interest for eg. Cleaning Cupboards or listening to music.
3. It gets stronger by exchanging ideas or opinions OR weakened by biased opinions, judgments, and expectations
Tip to take: Talk about one weird topic and know each other’s ideas. Movies, stories, or school. P.S. Do not debate!
4. It gets stronger by listening to each other mindfully OR weakened by ignoring the feelings of each other
Tip to take: Listen to learn and not react. Maintain eye contact.
5. It gets stronger by sharing complex mental states and difficult emotions OR weakened by not being ready to accept or deal with life issues.
Tip to take: Be okay with fears and anxieties. Mental health matters are real!
If you are a parent and worried about the future of the relationship with your child, here are five gentle reminders for you:
1. The bond changes, every day, and every emotion contributes towards a healthy relationship.
2. Parenting is a continuous process, as the requirement changes, the approach must too.
3. Children may keep secrets from you. But, if they approach you, first during a crisis, you may credit each other for one great thing- trust!
4. Trust, empathy, understanding, love, and attachment are subjective in nature. But, your actions, behaviors, and reactions would strengthen the bond.
5. Readiness to accept, thinking through their side of the story and active communication may seem like a good idea to start!
As a child gets smarter, parents turn wiser. It is a dynamic relationship that needs a space to grow and share.
As a parent, what are your thoughts? Share with us.
