Children predominantly remember happy times. The love around the number of toys, fancy items, and shopping experiences eventually fades, filtering and leaving behind strong human connections, and experiences they receive. Their ability to see through what you actually mean, think, act, or feel is profound.
Many of the traits that one envisions as ‘must haves’ for a successful life, children possess them already. If children are provided a nurturing environment, they could continue demonstrating healthy assertiveness giving some major life lessons to us adults! Their sense of self is strong and confident. It is meaningful to them devoid of validations!
If you observe a group of children or just a self-engaged child, you could learn a lot about judgment, awareness, flexibility in thinking, adaptability, thoughtful decision-making, empathy, and forgiveness. These are all conscious behaviors, behind which is a strong brain, mind, and body mechanism. Assertiveness is a behavioral choice. Behaviorally it appears as below:
…being able to clearly communicate– When children clearly state that they didn’t really like the soup you made!
…being able to stand up for self –When children are firm and not ready to engage in an activity they dislike.
…being able to openly express one’s own ideas, wants, needs, and opinions- When children openly state about their plan for the day, the clothes they want to wear, and the food they want to eat.
…being able to respect others’ feelings and opinions – With time, when children understand and repeat the lessons you have taught.
…being able to take criticism in a constructive way- With time, when they focus only on the instruction rather than the way it is said.
… being willing to negotiate when having a disagreement- With time, when they forgive and embrace you as a person after a heated argument.
Mostly, children are assertive as they acquaint themselves with the world, but the variation in the nature of interactions and parenting styles significantly determines and shapes the precious skills of assertiveness.
Parenting is hard, technically, you would want the best of everything for your child but struggle to go the hard way. Teaching assertiveness is tricky and not a one-day show.
Here are 5 ways to root in assertiveness in children, while being firm!
1. Allow them to be in their comfort space once in a while
In order to build assertiveness, it is important to encourage children to dwell in space and activities they love! That’s their zone, where they could be at maximum. They could be more confident, more vocal about their ideas and thoughts, and could trust themselves more.
2. Provide opportunities to share opinions
Be it a simple everyday conversation or a grave family decision, never forget to consider them. Start asking simple questions for everyday situations such as what do you think about this new furniture? How do you want to spend your holidays this time? What do you think about this red shirt which was gifted by your dad? It encourages children to think!
3. Encourage making an eye contact
A beautiful way to build confidence and assertiveness is to encourage children to make eye contact every time they are communicating with anyone. It is a powerful way to convey thoughts. Children will learn to understand verbal and nonverbal cues of themselves and of others.
4. Encourage them to interact in bigger groups
Create opportunities for children to interact with bigger groups in order to know varied thinking and response styles. This allows children to broaden their horizons, and increase in adaptability and flexibility. Children will begin to understand the role of their own voice and choice.
5. Teach them to cope
Everybody today is on a quest to make things better for children. The world could tell what to do, but it rarely shares how to handle things! Parents can provide emotional tool kits to children for the things that are hard to understand. Calming down techniques, helping children by telling them what to do when they feel like crying? Whom to go if you feel sad, or scared? What to do if you feel angry? How to communicate when you don’t want to share the toy? Etc.
With this, children will learn to help themselves during crises, be better problem solvers, and be more mindful thereby sowing the roots of assertiveness.
Assertiveness is a difficult skill. Children will have to observe assertive behaviors in order to learn from them. It takes time with practice and persistence. It is a way forward to healthy well-being.
Happy Parenting!
