Parenting, in a greater sense, is a powerful tool. The way parents or caregivers communicate with children, it becomes their inner voice. The way they act or behave becomes a perfect sample (for children) to know how the world works. Children are mere reflections of your actions, behaviors, and thoughts, that, indeed, is a scary downside of parenting. They are purely copy-paste.
The concepts of positive self-concept, self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-belief are not readily installed when babies arrive. They are instead, formed, built slowly and steadily, in bits and pieces. The environment in which children are raised, the way they are treated by stakeholders, the way they are attended to for their basic needs, and the way they are explained, corrected, helped, supported, and most importantly loved, contribute to developing the concept of self.
There is enough evidence today, that pinpoints the adverse positive and negative effects of parental interaction, behavior, and communication in the holistic development of children.
The issue with these complex concepts is they are challenging to observe, interpret and decode they develop every day, part by part, step by step!
Decoding the shaping of the concept of self….
Complex concepts like personality are challenging to observe, interpret and decode. But, they develop every day, part by part, step by step! Children observe the way they are responded to every action they make. The quality of interaction and communication severely affects their mental, physical, emotional, and social well-being. The very first question children might have is ‘Who am I? What am I? Does everyone around me love me? Will I be left alone?’, most commonly they are surrounded by protecting, defining, and creating a sense of self. It is essential to understand that as responsible adults, our words and actions could be so powerful in order to help them love themselves! So, what shapes a personality? The way adults and caregivers respond. So, at all you are tagging a child as ‘stubborn, aggressive and wild’- it could be a perfect time to evaluate your responses.
The magic of being loved…
Love does conquer all. With children, it extends and encourages them to love themselves thereby creating positive ways to deal with life challenges. Some children feel they are love-filled, some are craving for attention and some look for an escape from a toxic environment. The concept of self-doubt and self-esteem are interconnected and a part of the same cycle.
Self-Doubt is a feeling of uncertainty about the abilities one possesses. Self-doubt is surrounded by questions such as ‘Will I be able to solve that bigger puzzle?’ OR ‘I can’t just draw that tree from the book.’ OR ‘ Will I be able to sing that song in school?’ OR ‘I won’t be able to go for the picnic without my parents.’ Having self-doubts when exposed to new settings and challenges is natural. During such circumstances, the external environment plays a pivotal role. As soon as children are hesitant and try to withdraw from attempting the challenging tasks, a push does wonders. Positive encouragement, rational support, realistic appreciation, kindness, and good words ignite the spark. The self-confidence shoots up, self-esteem develops and self-love is evident. Now, imagine you as a parent are consistent with your actions, every time children approach a new problem. The results are astounding! With time they equip themselves by remembering your words which allows them to take that leap of faith, every single time!
We must be on a serious mission to raise happy kids!
The evil roots of self-doubt…
Self-doubt can also be explained in Eriskon’s stages of psychosocial development. According to Erikson, between 18 months to three years, children begin to work upon themselves, willingly. They begin to exhibit a need for independence and gain greater self-control. Children who successfully complete this stage grow to become confident individuals with a positive sense of self, a feeling of being capable, happy, and strong. While, children who experience setbacks, toxic environments, hyper-controlled parenting, and incorrect channels of communication- spanking, hitting, abusive language, and immense hurt may begin to experience self-doubt, exhibit fear, anxiety, emotional disturbances, struggle with socialization, and most importantly fail to love themselves. These tender feelings yet disturbing feelings of self-doubt, with time convert into significant behavior issues thereby affecting the way they perceive themselves and the world.
Research suggests that self-doubt emerges in early childhood. It stems from the issues of attachment. Attachment theory is when children feel safe by their caregivers, every time they encounter a problem. It is a feeling that ‘I will be helped by my people, even if I break the glass while learning to transfer water from a cup.’ OR ‘I will not be scolded if I accidentally broke the toy we got yesterday.’ OR ‘I will still be loved if I don’t do well in school.’ Children who experience positive interaction with their caregivers are likely to form secure attachments and feel that they can rely on for support. With this confidence, they embark on their journey to experiment and explore new challenges. Otherwise, children who have insecure attachment, prefer to form a shell and dwell in the zone and do not exhibit eagerness to explore. So, next time if you comment ‘You just cannot color within the line like other kids!’ the child may lose the will to learn!
If children experience self-doubt, it is crucial to monitor the actions and behaviors of parents and caregivers. Consistent support, kindness, acceptance and love, unconditional support, appropriate usage of language, positive reinforcement, encouragement, and exposure to varied activities may help children to build a positive sense of self leaving no room for self-doubt.
“Parents need to fill their child’s bucket of self-esteem so high, that the rest of the world can’t poke enough holes to drain it dry.”- Alvin Price.
