Did you know about the classic study with children and marshmallows? A breakthrough study in the 1960s yielded some interesting results that emphasized gaining and developing an important trait- the treasured trait of self-control.
Marshmallows, hungry kids, and decision making:
A longitudinal study conducted at Stanford University illustrated the importance of developing self-control in children.
The setup included a few hungry four-year-olds who were given two options –
1. One marshmallow right away
2. Or Get two marshmallows fifteen minutes later.
The moment of what to do?
With a lot of thinking, about one-third of them were observed to be opting for one marshmallow, indicating a need to immediately satisfy their hunger and avoid delaying gratification.
The Interpretations:
A follow-up study years later found the children who waited (opting for option 2) to be more successful people, positive, self-motivated, and persistent in pursuit of their goals. These habits were reported to be the possible predictors of successful marriages, higher incomes, and better health. Demonstrating reasonable self-control.
Alongside, the study also showed that those kids who did not wait, had lower scores on achievement tests, and were indecisive, less confident, and stubborn. Even a more recent longitudinal study confirms that kids with high levels of delay of gratification have more cognitive control than those with lower levels of delayed gratification.
Understanding Self-Control
Self-control is all about one’s ability to self-regulate behavior and actions -resisting distractions, inhibiting impulses, bouncing back from difficult emotions, delaying gratification, and planning ahead. In simple terms, it is the ability to control one’s own behaviors, reactions, and responses.
In children, self-control could look like, the ‘ability to take turns during play, to patiently wait for the favorite snack to be prepared in the kitchen, to control impulses when things don’t turn their way, to control when they feel like hitting someone, refraining from yelling or shouting at someone, trying to be okay for accepting a ‘no’ from someone. It could also be pushing a friend because they grabbed a favorite toy, hitting someone because they touched their toys, or biting and shouting at someone because they did not know how to vent their anger or fear.
The emergence of self-control
Every phase the child travels through has distinct physical, emotional, social, intellectual, and cognitive changes. These changes are unique to the child, mostly observable, and driven by nature, nurture, and genetics. Children are likely to gain better control in encouraging, conducive environments rather than toxic spaces.
Self-control is a multifaceted concept that children build with time in stages and phases.
Infancy and Toddlerhood
Between 0-18 months are too young to build self-control. In toddlers, till age 3, the part of the brain responsible for exerting control over the emotional, impulsive part of the brain is not well-developed, lacking in self-control and acting more on their desires.
For preschoolers Between the ages of 3 and 5, some remarkable, big changes happen as they are exposed to varied settings, and interact with multiple personalities learning about boundaries, the cause, and the effect.
Middle Childhood / School age
Between six to 12, there is betterment and stability that occurs in the control systems that may not be fully developed yet. There is an expansion of roles and more learning about the environment where the need to demonstrate self-control becomes predominantly important.
Teenage
Self-control appears different in teenagers, it has to be at the highest level as the phase is about exploring changes, dealing with conflicts, and protecting the sense of self.
Here are 3 tips to encourage self-control:
1. Talk about what they will be expecting, pre-inform the changes, and prepare for the situation to avoid triggers of anger. Help identify the feelings, very young children are unaware of what it really means to regulate emotions or self-control. Maintain calmness, and build a safe space to release emotions.
2. Set expectations, talk about feelings, and model self-control. Encouraging cool-downs and praising your child’s efforts helps.
3. Lay out expectations, acknowledge emotions, catch your child while demonstrating self-control, appreciate the efforts, and set an example!
Most parents wonder whether self-control could be taught and whether genetics play a role. Over the years, some astounding research emphasized that it could be built and the genetic makeup could play an important role too. Further, in the family environment, parents as role models play a vital role.
Self-control is tricky! It is like feeling attracted towards a bubble wrap, and being instructed not to play with it!
