You make funny faces sing a song or peek-a-boo to a 4-month-old, they communicate with all the capacities they have. They may squeak, stay mum, speak with their eyes, quietly smile, cry or use gestures. They communicate verbally, and non-verbally. They communicate to connect.
You appreciate them for one good thing, and they continue to seek your appreciation for all the other good things. Yet again, they are trying to connect.
If you tell them a funny story once, they would want you to repeat it a thousand times. They are trying to connect, to bond.
You yell at them once for not eating well, they would be upset every time they deal with food. They are trying to connect and be careful with you.
You spank them once, unfortunately for spilling the pail of water, they would learn a new nature of yours and build fear. They are trying hard to get to know you better.
The anchor in these above scenarios is a parent or the primary caregiver. Children, until they are equipped to understand the world through their own wit and grit, they seek support from their parents to do so.
When children are crying, fearful, hungry, sleepy, thirsty, fussy, feel irritated, hit, pinch, yell, hate (school, family, friends) lie or steal…they are communicating!
Behaviorists, in psychology firmly opine that: Children behave the way they behave for two main reasons: Either to avoid something OR to gain something.
When children behave, they are trying to express their concerns, ideas, feelings, and emotions in the best possible ways, where they feel they will be heard, attended to, or accepted. They are looking for the fastest and best way out.
Due to their basic or lack of self-control, immature impulses, yet to evolve ‘idea of world and self’ they tend to engage in what parents term as ‘socially unacceptable behavior’. For children, their behaviors are messages to convey. Messages are to be calmly decoded by the parent.
Stealing is a common yet concerning issue among children. It needs immediate and systematic intervention. One incidence of stealing indicates a concern, and multiple, repetitive, and persistent incidences indicate a challenging behavior. Remember, there could be a strong, innocent, casual, desperate, or emotional motive. It is advisable to avoid targeting the child for the deed and instead conduct some root cause analysis.
This is how…
Before you react, know that…..
1. Very young children sometimes take things they want without understanding that things cannot just be picked without consent and/or without paying.
2. School-going children are a bit aware that they are not supposed to steal but they do so because they have a lack or a still developing self-control (difficulty in controlling impulses and appropriate judgments)
3. Teenagers, very well know that they are not really supposed to. But, they could attempt to steal either for the excitement and thrill of it or because someone else has tried it.
Ask yourself – “What could be the triggers?”
There could be many complex reasons.
1. It could be an indicator of stress at home, with friends, or at school.
2. It could be because they are dealing with difficult emotions such as anger, fear, or anxiety.
3. It could also be with the purpose of seeking attention.
4. It could be an opportunity to seek help due to an intensely emotional or any other kind of abuse they are enduring.
5. It could be to possess things that they cannot afford
6. It could be peer pressure and a struggle to belong
Now let us explore, “What to do?”
1. Immediate intervention: When the very first time, children innocently pick chalk, a book, or a toy from school and get it home, you could use it as an opportunity to encourage them to return it to the school, talk about consent, and could explain about belongingness and the process of purchase in simple and kind words.
2. Practice ‘sharing’: Regularize sharing sessions in terms of sharing about life happenings. With this practice parents and children are in tune with the family situation and each other. Parents could make conscious efforts with regard to the child’s concerns and or joyful moments in order to avoid surprises! Stealing could be a final act to piled up emotions that couldn’t be simply shared.
3. Talk about the concept of possession: It is vital to start simple rather than assuming or targeting them as culprits. Emphasize how the system works, consent, and the importance of values and belief systems. Repeat it often.
4. Talk about consequences: A powerful way to encourage healthy behavior is to talk about its advantages. Similarly, talking about hard consequences could help to gradually eliminate unhealthy behaviors.
5. Address the trigger, and seek help from a professional if need be: It is important to address the trigger than superficially resolving the behavior. It is important to decode the message.
Stealing isn’t an uncommon behavior, But, the intensity, frequency, and consequences are damaging to the child’s self-esteem, self-concept, and relationships with parents and significant others. Although it disturbs the entire family system, it could largely affect the children themselves.
It is important to convey to children that they do have a space at home, to share, care, make mistakes and learn.
